As many of you have heard by now, NBC -- and possibly the CW -- are refusing to air ads for the new Dixie Chicks documentary, Shut Up and Sing, which is premiering today in New York City and Los Angeles.

NBC wrote that it "cannot accept these spots as they are disparaging to President Bush."

Here is my response to this controversy, which is not necessarily the opinion of the Dixie Chicks, MSN, my family, or all Asian people:

Hurray for NBC!

The new documentary Shut Up and Sing suggests that censorship is still alive in America in the 21st century. But we all know that this is false.

By refusing to air the ad, NBC loudly and rightly conveys the message that censorship no longer exists.

NBC is embodying the most fundamental of democratic principles, which is to protect our freedom of speech by purging and sanitizing our nation from thinkers like the Dixie Chicks.

Unfortunately, NBC's patriotism should still be questioned because it has yet to silence Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, and the writers of Saturday Night Live, who have all disparaged President Bush and therefore engaged in treason. Moreover, the National Broadcasting Company continues to employ Adrian Pasdar, one of the stars of Heroes, who is also married to Natalie Maines a.k.a. Satan's mistress and Saddam's sugar mama. And quite frankly, that colorful NBC peacock logo looks a bit too much like the gay rainbow flag, which is a threat to both my masculinity and my ability to suppress my prurient desires to cuddle with Dick Cheney.

Nonetheless, it is the mark of a truly democratic and free society that we should have multiple networks brave enough to silence dissenters and air Deal or No Deal several times a week.

I'm sure if the architects of our Bill of Rights had a MySpace page, they would post that Shut Up and Sing should just shut up and go straight to video.

Let's all call the NBC switchboard at 212/664-4444 now and thank them for spreading the message that any movie blasphemously exposing censorship in America deserves to be banned!

This is just the beginning, fellow patriots.  In order to kill all interest in this film, perhaps we should pass a Constitutional amendment banning Shut Up and Sing from ever seeing the light of day.

In order to decide how to give away two tickets to this Tuesday's New York City red carpet premiere of Shut Up and Sing, I've come up with five trivia questions related to the Dixie Chicks. Some questions are easy as a Sunday morning, some are tough like the manner in which the New Kids on the Block hang, and some are only known by a very tiny number of people. Don't waste your time researching; at least one of the questions requires you to guess since the answer isn't (or shouldn't be) available on-line.

Here are the questions:

Question 1:

When Natalie Maines's cat died in the early 1990's, Natalie often locked herself in her room and listened to one sad song -- over and over -- to make herself cry. Name the artist and the song title. (Here's a big hint: the words "so hard" are repeated throughout the song.)

Question 2:

Who came up with the album title Fly -- Emily, Martie, or Natalie?

Question 3:

What two musicians currently backing up the Dixie Chicks on the Accidents and Accusations tour also played on the Top of the World tour?

Question 4:

In a 1999 interview, Emily described how a certain Texan politician had befriended the Dixie Chicks: "He heard us one day and loved us. He said something in the New York Times about us being his favorite band. … I don't know if politically we were on the same page, but he's a neat guy. One of the funniest guys I ever met." Name the politician to whom Emily was referring.

Question 5:

Hours before the Dixie Chicks were scheduled to perform on VH1 Storytellers, Mindi, the Chicks' Road Manager, asked me to run to a corner store to purchase something. What was I asked to purchase?

Email your answers to: <contest is over>

I'm limiting each person to one email entry every six hours. Thus, if you send your first batch of guesses at 4 pm, but then realize that one of your initial answers was wrong, you can email an updated batch of answers after 10 pm.


If you send me an email, I am assuming that either you are able to attend the premiere this Tuesday night or that you can give the tickets to someone else who can definitely attend. If you just want to play along, you can send me your guesses -- but make sure to point out that you're just playing for fun and that you can't attend the premiere.


You can feel free to consult others, spend the day on Google, hire investigators, etc. It's only cheating if you break into my house to find my answer key.


In your email, be sure to include your name, your phone number, and if you are playing for someone else -- the person to whom you'd like to give the tickets.


As I mentioned yesterday, the first person to send an email to <contest is over> with the correct answers to all the questions will win the two tickets. If nobody gets it right, whoever answers the most questions correctly by Sunday (tomorrow) at 3 pm will win the tickets; in the event of a tie, the person whose email I receive first will win.


If somebody answers all five questions correctly, this blog will be updated to say "THE CONTEST IS OVER." But until that happens, know that nobody has yet to score 100%.


Update: Contest is over! We have a winner!


Finally, here are the disclaimers for the winner again: (1) You and your guest assume totally responsibility for getting to the movie premiere. As much as I'd love to fly you in my invisible helicopter, my imaginary friends are taking up all available spaces. Thus, only those who can get to New York City this upcoming Tuesday evening should participate! (2) Neither MSN nor the Dixie Chicks nor I will assume responsibility for you if you receive a deadly paper cut or have anything less than the best night of your life. (3) The two tickets ensure two seats at the premiere. I can't guarantee, however, where those seats will be. They could be in the very back row next to the projector behind a row of very large, tall, obnoxious, talkative, malodorous morons wearing ten gallon hats. (4) The tickets don't come with any other perks or prizes, such as a foot massage by Emily Robison or a private serenade by Natalie Maines. (5) The tickets, which have no monetary value -- but are totally priceless, of course, and cannot be sold to anyone else.

We're baaaaaaaaaaacck!


Welcome to the second round of http://dixiechicks.msn.com and the second leg of the Accidents & Accusations Tour, which is currently winding its way through Australia and soon heading back to the States.


After a brief hiatus for both the Chicks and me, there's a grip of stuff to catch up on. Among other things, the Chicks have been booked to perform on the American Music Awards in November, not to mention some other exciting upcoming television appearances that can't be revealed just yet. Pete Yorn has been wowing audiences as the opening act for the Chicks. The trailer for Shut Up and Sing is now playing in theatres, the documentary recently won an audience award at the Aspen Film Festival, reviews have been so stellar that the film has maintained a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, and the Chicks have been "covered up" for the American version of the film's poster, but remain au naturel for most foreign markets. Rick Rubin also supervised a recording session that has resulted in an incredible track that will be making its way to your ears shortly. Alicia Silverstone dropped by the dressing room to say hello. While Down Under, the girls visited Steve Ewrin's zoo near Brisbane, addressed the Aussie audience's propensity to clap during "Lullaby," discovered where to find the best pancakes in Sydney, and hit the waves.


But the juicy details are yet to come. Stay tuned!


As for me, once I finish determining if the toilet water here flows in the other direction, I'm off to climb a bridge. If this blog doesn't get updated in the next 24 hours, will the Australian readers please look for me in the Sydney Harbor?